Sunday, February 22, 2009

Doppelgoose. Season 1; Episode 1; Scene 1. "It wasn't me!!! (It really wasn't.)"

INT. A LARGE BARN AT NIGHT.

BOSWELL, a handsome goose with a chiseled physique, sits intently in front of a laptop computer. His sister, WOGLINDE, sits quietly at his side so as not to disturb his concentration.


BOSWELL
Let's see.... We have organic Puntarella for Grand-Mare and organic pink passion chard for NAFOB.... What do you think?

WOGLINDE
(excitedly)
Honk honk honk!

00F (aka 00 Feathers), his dad, a unshaven man of about 50 with sleepy eyes, enters the barn.
 
00F
Hey guys. What's up?

BOSWELL
We're picking out birthday presents!

00F
Oh yeah? For who?

BOSWELL
For Grand-Mare and NAFOB!

00F
Great! You know, if you're mailing those, you might want to get their names right.

BOSWELL
Huh?

00F
If "Grand-Mare" is referring to your grandmother, even though I flunked French, I think you are trying to say "Grand-m
รจ
re."

BOSWELL
Oh, no. I'm a French goose. I know my French. It's definitely Grand-Mare.

00F
OK, I'll take your word for it. And the person you call NAFOB -- his actual name is Steve. What does NAFOB mean anyway?

BOSWELL
NAFOB is an acronym....

00F
Go on.

BOSWELL
Now what was that phrase...? I completely forget! Oh! I know!! It stands for "Never A Frown Or Brave".

00F
That doesn't even make sense.... I could have sworn it had something to do with "Not A Friend Of Boswell".... You know, sometimes I get a just a little tired of playing Elmer Fudd to your Bugs Bunny.

BOSWELL

Of course you realize...

00F
...I know, I know. Well, if you'd like him to actually receive his present, you might want to send it to "Steve" instead of "NAFOB". By the way, about this "00F" thing for me. Isn't that speciest, or something? Just because I don't have 15,000 feathers all over the place... I have to be ridiculed for that?

BOSWELL
Why, what on EARTH do you mean?

00F
Maybe you could call me Mr. Podlaseck.

BOSWELL
Way too formal. Who can pronounce that name anyway? Can you, Woglinde?

WOGLINDE
Honk!

BOSWELL
Absolutely. Hmm.
(to 00F)
Do you have any friends?

00F
A few.

BOSWELL
What do they call you?

00F
Mark.

BOSWELL
Mark. Ma-rk. Mar-ky. Mar-cus. Mar-co. How about Elmer?

00F
Nope.

BOSWELL
Humbert Humbert.

00F
No way.

BOSWELL
Michael Vick.

00F
Come on.

00F
Your Excellence.

00F
Let's try out Mark for a while and see how that goes.

BOSWELL
(turning back to his laptop, whispering to Woglinde)
NO sense of imagination!

MARK
Well, I'll let you get back to your online shopping. Catch you later!

2 comments:

Laurel said...

And here I thought Boswell was conversant in hexadecimal (hence 00F). So glad to see that Boswell is doing well and shopping around on the internet!

Dawn said...

Hilarous, Bos, though I could have done without the Michael Vick reference. It's never fun to think about what he did.

Give your sister better lines next time, k??