Overheard in a Bar on the Lower East Side

Man (sitting down at bar; speaking to a goose sitting to his right): Hey there. What are you drinking?

Goose: A Nosedive.

Man: What's a Nosedive?

Goose: Grey Goose vodka and arugula leaves.

Man: Hi bartender. 2 Nosedives please. (To goose:) I guess you're a little bummed out.

Goose: A bit.

Man: Well, at least you did your best. I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to.

Goose: Yeah, well....

Man: I know you had a little crush on Sarah Palin, and while she and McCain weren't my choice, I'm really proud of all the hard work you did campaigning in the last few months.

Goose: Lot of good it did. (Wistfully) There was just something about the way she winked at me....

Man: I'm not sure that Sarah Palin could actually see you when you were watching her on television. I don't think television works that way.... So what's this I heard about you biting Henry Kissinger at a fund-raiser?

Goose: He offered me a foie gras canape!!!! What would you have done??!?!?

Man: Couldn't you have just said, "No thank you"?

Goose: That wouldn't have had the same impact. Anyway: Mrs. Kissinger was totally sympathetic and apologized profusely for hurting my feelings with her menu.

Man: Was that before she took her husband to the emergency room or after?

Goose: Before.

Bartender: 2 Nosedives!

Goose (wriggling tail feathers): Thanks! (Takes a sip and sprays vodka everywhere.) Yum!

Man: These are good! You know, I don't even remember the last time I saw you. Ever since you trimmed down to your flying weight, you're never around.

Goose: Lots to do.

Man: Well, I'm hoping you have a little more spare time now that the election is over. I heard you had an appointment at Tufts last week. How did that go?

Goose: Not bad. My cholesterol is up again.

Man: What does that mean?

Goose: Not sure. We're doubling my Soloxine dose for now.

Man: OK. Did you see Dr. Mayer?

Goose: He was home because he just had knee surgery. So I flew by his house on my way back. His wife, Dr. Janet, was there and she made me grapes and spinach.

Man: You hate grapes and spinach.

Goose: I know. But I ate some anyway.

Man: I'm glad you didn't forget your manners. How was Dr. Mayer's knee?

Goose: He was hobbling around a bit, but I think he is recovering nicely.

Man: Good. Look, I don't know how to put this, but I really have missed you. Do you think we can be friends again now that the election is over?

Goose: Well....

Man: If you drive home with me, we can listen to Coldplay.

Goose: Actually, I don't really like Coldplay. I was just pretending that I did so people would think I was cool.

Man: You don't need to like Coldplay for people to think you are cool!

Goose: Really???

Man: Of course not! So what you are you really listening to?

Goose: Well, there is this one song....

Man: Go ahead.

Goose: I think it's called the 'Mexican Hat Dance'.

Man (looking at iPhone): Wow! There are a lot of versions of that! Do you know which one you like?

Goose: I think it's a rabbit that sings it.

Man: Bugs Bunny!??! You like that?

Goose: Do you?

Man: Are you kidding? I love it! Downloading it now.... We can play it all the way home.

Goose: Cool!!!

Man: Friends?

Goose: BFF!!!