Overheard in a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

Man (lifting a goose out of a car's passenger seat): Here we are!

Goose (looking around, confused): Here we are -- where?

Man: Here we are to get your stereo!!

Goose: Where?

Man: Here! Wal-Mart!

Goose: I don't want a stereo from Wal-Mart!!

Man: Huh?














Goose: I picked out my stereo like you suggested, and we are not going to find it anywhere near a Wal-Mart!!!!!!!!

Man: Ok. Why don't you fill me in then?

Goose: Well, I posted a question on Audioholics.com about the best system for a barn....

Man: You gotta be kidding me! Did you say you were a goose?

Goose: Of course not! What difference does it make? Do you say you're a vegetarian when you're posting a question to the Mac Owners Support Group?

Man: Ok, fine. And what kind of response did you get?

Goose: Very helpful!!! I think I'm just about ready to order a system.

Man: Order? Can't we just go get it?

Goose: Well, actually the speakers need to be special ordered, because they are custom-made.

(To two women passing:) Hi ladies!!!! Looking good today!!!!

Woman #1: Oh my God, aren't you cute!!!!!

Goose (wriggling tail feathers): Not as cute as you in that red dress!!

Woman #2: Hahaha! Shake your tail feathers again! That is so sweet!

Man (interrupting): Excuse me!!! Excuse me!!! We're having a personal conversation here! Do you mind?

(To goose): Ok, tell me about these custom-made speakers.

Goose: Altec Lansings. A7's. Really sweet!!!!!

Man: Great. And how much are these A7's?

Goose: 58.

Man: 58?? 58 what?

Goose: 58 hundred.

Man: Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!! $5800????

Goose: Per speaker.

Man: Let me get this straight. You want to buy $12,000 speakers for your 3 Coldplay CD's???

Goose: I have 5 Coldplay CD's!!

Man: Let me make a suggestion. Since we're here, let's pick something up for you to try out. And if you don't like it, we can return it and look for a better alternative.

Goose: I am not getting a stereo from Wal-Mart. Only small children have stereos from Wal-Mart and I have very sensitive ears!!!!!!!!!!!

Man: So we are getting nothing here?

Goose: That's right.

Man: Ok. That's your decision. Do you want to do anything else this afternoon? Should we go to the lake and drop the kayak in for a while?

Goose: That sounds good!!!

Man (picking up goose and putting him back into the passenger seat): It does, doesn't it? Let's get out of here.

Mayor Bloomberg, we need to talk....

Are there any sounds more beautiful than the honking of a goose? And if you have to think, let me tell you, the answer is "absolutely not."  

And yet... my friend, Dawn, found this street sign on Dyer Avenue between 41st and 42nd Streets, in New York City. 

She writes: 

Frankly, this is discrimination against geese, and you don't have to take it. "Don't honk"?! What be will next? "Don't eat the grass"? Or "Don't bite the humans!" Appalling!

Thank you, Dawn. Is it discrimination or just bad taste in music? I'll let you know....

Tufts trip #235 (One way!!!!!!)

I drove up to Tufts yesterday for what I thought was going to be a simple chemo treatment. Little did I know that a nuclear bone scan was scheduled. And even littler did I know that after a nuclear bone scan, you have to spend the night because you are RADIOACTIVE!!!!

So here I am, in the exotic ward with a ferret, a chicken, a bunny, an african grey parrot and an eclectus parrot, waiting for 00F to come take me home to my barn. (I actually miss it!! Can you believe it???) The parrots are fun to talk to, but as soon as they finish dinner, all they care about is falling asleep in front of the TV. So as I wait very patiently, for 00F to get me out of here, I will spend this time productively by catching up on my blog.

(Memo to Gremlin Baby: I actually type with my bill. You seem like a nice guy, so I am sure that you won't make any "hunt and peck" jokes!!!)

So, for my medically-minded readers, here's a computer-enhanced version of my bone scan. You can see the osteo-sarcoma lesion on my left leg.

And before you say "Oh my God, Boswell!!!!!! That must hurt like @#$#@!!!!!," I should tell you I'd rather have a little pain in my thigh than be sitting in a large pot of boiling water surrounded by carrots and bay leaves -- any day!!

Dr. Mayer was pretty happy that my bone looked okay, that the lesion had not grown significantly, and that it did not appear to have spread anywhere else. And if Dr. Mayer is happy, I am ROFL.

There was one number on my labs that puzzled him: my cholesterol was over 1000! I hope that this does not result in a misguided search of my beloved 48" Liebherr side-by-side refrigerator & freezer combo. And if someone finds the 17 quarts of Chubby Hubby... Woglinde -- can we pretend it's yours??????

Awwwww!!!!! Here's a cute picture of me (in front), Andrea Bergeron (V '09, on left), and Dr. DeCubellis (right). Dr. DeCubellis had just played a prank on me when I wasn't looking and made a huge mess of arugula leaves around my bowl.

Dr. DeCubellis, nice try, but everyone knows my table manners are perfect!!!!!

This is me waiting for 00F to come get me.

Hmm. What is that blue thing around my neck?!?!?!??!?!??!

Shheesh!!!! I told that parrot that I did NOT want to wear his goofy bandanna!!!! I guess this is play-a-joke-on-Boswell day!!!!

OOF, if you are reading this, I am really ready to come home!!